Related:

• A fellow bought a new car, a Nissan, and was quite happy with his purchase.
  He was something of an animist, however, and felt that the car really ought to have a name....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• The husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to use the new car, even to drive to the grocery store, a mere few blocks away from the house.
  Finally, after she rather insisted, he allowed it, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!...
• Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
  A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you....
• WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.
  Struggle to become a parrot or something. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• Be not astonished at new ideas; for it is well known to you that a thing does not therefore cease to be true because it is not accepted by many.
  -- Spinoza...
• A woman was married to a golfer. One day she asked, "If I were to die, would you remarry?
  After some thought, the man replied, "Yes, I've been very happy in this marriage and I would want to be this happy again....
• We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength.
  But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant....