Related:

• Homer: Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement?
  Maybe I could have been something more than I am....
• Homer: [gasps, then realizes] Oh, it's Bart. I can't believe it.
  I'm being mocked. By my own children. On my birthday....
• Marge: Ruth, is there something you want to tell me?
  Ruth: Remember when I said my ex-husband was behind on his child support?...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.
  So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back -- or you can go out there and find your dog....
• Burns: The telephone has been ringing for some time.
  [severely] Answer it. Homer: [answers] Yello....
• I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front of your car.
  I installed it backwards by accident. Driving down the street with a herd of deer chasing me....
• A feed salesman is on his way to a farm. As he's driving along at forty m.
  p.h., he looks out his car window and sees a three-legged chicken running alongside him, keeping pace with his car....
• Do you still remember your last cookie?