Related:

• I just bought a new house. It has no plumbing. It's uncanny. -- Morey Amsterdam
• Love is blind. I guess that's why it proceeds by the sense of touch. -- Morey Amsterdam
• I like the one about the fella who swam the English Channel.
  It took him fifty-eight hours to swim there, twelve seconds to come back....
• I got an aunt named Minnie. Weighs 264. When she sits on the chair there's so much of her there--most of her sits on the floor.
  -- Morey Amsterdam...
• Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
• Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
• I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I'm gonna find a tractor that small. -- Steven Wrigh