Related:

• I ate Hostess fruit pies all day--I got so fat my picture would fall off the wall.
  -- Bruce Smirnoff...
• Three fellas up in heaven. St. Peter's interviewing them.
  He says to the first guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?...
• The reason I know my youth is all spent? My get up and go got up and went. -- Len Ingebrigsto
• I Lost My Balance: Eileen Dover and Phil Dow
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I was talking during sex and my girlfriend hung up.
• I would jog, but the ice would fall out of my glass.
• I did cancel one performance in Holland where they thought my music was so easy that they didn't rehearse at all.
  And so the first time when I found that out, I rehearsed the orchestra myself in front of the audience of 3,000 people and the next day I rehearsed through the second movement -- this was the piece _Cheap Imitation_ -- and they then were ashamed....