Related:

• A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by, the longest procession he's ever seen.
  It seems to consist of the hearse, followed by a man with a Doberman on a leash, followed by several hundred other men....
• My kid said, "I want a dog." Well, I went to the kennel.
  The first dog I saw had legs four inches long in front, two feet long in back....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Burns: Smithers, I've just seen the most heroic dog on television.
  He pulled a toddler from the path of a speeding car, then pushed a criminal in front of it....
• Commandant: Next up ... Simp-son, Lis-a. [the crowd falls silent.
  The cadet leader plays, "Taps." Lisa climbs the ladder to the first platform, as the crowd begins jeering] Lisa...
• Lovejoy: C'mon boy, this is the spot, right here. That's a good boy, do your dirty sinful business.
  Ned: Well, howdy, Reverend Lovejoy. Nice to see you there ....
• I know how you feel. I lost my dog, too. He's in here somewhere.
• A little kid went up to Santa and asked him, "Santa, you know when I'm bad right?
  And Santa says, "Yes, I do." The little kid then asks, "And you know when I'm sleeping?...
• Joey: All right. [gets up] Monica: [stopping him] No!
  Joey, we swore we'd never tell! Chandler: [running over and joining Monica] They'll never understand!...