Related:

• You ate my homework!? I didn't know dogs <really> did that.
  .. -- Bart to Santa's Little Helper, "Bart the Murdere...
• Hey kid! Santa isn't coming this year...I killed him!
• It's an old, seedy, run-down gymnasium on the lower West Side catering to young and old boxers.
  Amidst the yelling, the smell of fighters sweating, punching bags and each other, one of the boxers comes over to his corner following three rounds of heavy hitting and says to his manager, "I really want a shot at the kid, Kid Jackson....
• A man is walking down the street when he sees a man with four arms, and antennae coming out of his head.
  He goes up to him and says, "You're not from around here, are you?...
• When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, "Do you have any toy train schedules?
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I have a kid, I want to buy a twin-stroller and put him in one side, and then reply when he's old enough to ask "You had a brother, but he was bad.
• Free to loving home. World's most brilliant dog. Says `I Love You' on command.
  -- advertisement for selling Santa's Little Helper, "Bart's Dog Gets an F...
• I remember, I remember The fir-trees dark and high
  I used to think their slender tops Were close against the sky...
• We were very poor when I was a kid. I remember one winter, it snowed and I didn't have a sled.
  I used to go downhill on my cousin. And you know, she wasn't bad. -- Joey Bishop...