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• Marge: But on the other hand, when you don't take advantage of an opportunity, you can end up regretting it for the rest of your life.
  Homer: You're right, Marge. Just like the time I could have met Mr....
• Jesus Christ was a good teacher, but he didn't publish.
• If a man will go as far as he can see, he will be able to see farther when he gets there.
• Due to a very strange accident involving a irrational particle accelerator, a liquid lunch and some rubber bands, (which was very strange indeed.
  Many who tried to imitate it ended up looking very silly or dead or both) Wogon Zarniwoop has become immortal....
• I thought that you said you were 20 years old!" "As a programmer, yes," she replied, "And you claimed to be very near two meters tall!
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• When a man pulled two guns on convenience store clerk Wazir Jiwi and demanded money, Jiwi asked how much he wanted for one of the guns.
  He said $100, which Jiwi paid him. Then Jiwi offered to buy the second gun....
• Saul was walking down the street when he ran into Morty.
  The two got to talking and Saul asked "So Morty, how's your son?...
• Why Didn't Jesus go to college? Because he got nailed on the boards.
• If Jesus was Jewish, how come he's got a Mexican name? -- Tom Wai