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• I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.
  -- Artemus Ward...
• I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother. -- Artemus Ward
• I have given my pain a name..!!
• Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrow money to do it.
  -- Artemus Ward...
• I have peppered two of them: two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits.
  I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face...
• Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness? -- Artemus Ward
• Flanders: Reverend, I'm, uh, I'm afraid something terrible has happened.
  Lovejoy: Well, sit down and rap with me brother, that's what I'm here for....
• I have never been one to sacrifice my appetite on the altar of appearance. -- A.M. Readyhough
• I am not a politician and my other habits are also good. -- A. Ward