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• 'What's on T.V tonight son?' 'Same as usual, dad, the statue and the lamp.'
• Are you going to sleep at all tonight?!
• ET Man: '70s leading man Troy McClure has finally met the woman of his dreams.
  We may rememb... woman? Huh, okay! We may remember Troy from such films as "The Verdict Was Mail Fraud", and "Leper in the Backfield"....
• Clinton won and you lost as usual. Did you expect anything else?
• I know I'm bending the rules tonight, but I also know none of you wants that skunk Burns to take our treasure.
  And I want you to know that when I die, you're all welcome to visit me in rich men's heaven....
• Top Scientists Predict That Earth Will Explode at 10:34 PM Tonight. Film at 11.
• Marge: Hello once again. As usual, I must warn you all that this year's Hallowe'en show is very
  very scary, and those of you with young children may want to send them off for bed -- [someone hands her a pape...
• The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Armchair Video, a chain of video rental stores.
  "Because of declining profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Armchair Video's ten video rental stores....
• Tonight's special, blackened leftove