Related:

• Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear.
  Problem: Glass empty. Action Required: Find someone who will buy you another beer....
• Symptom: Floor blurred. Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
  Action Required: Find someone who will buy you another beer....
• Symptom: Everything has gone dark. Fault: The Bar is closing.
  Action Required: Panic. Symptom: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet....
• Symptom: Floor swaying. Fault: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.
  Action Required: Insert broom handle down back of jacket....
• if ((glass == EMPTY)&&(thirsty == YES)) open("Beer")
• One dusty July afternoon, somewhere around the turn of the century, Patrick Malone was in Mulcahey's Bar, bending an elbow with the other street car conductors from the Brooklyn Traction Company.
  While they were discussing the merits of a local ring hero, the bar goes silent....
• If Glass=Empty .AND. Thirsty Then OpenTuborg
• It's hard to sing with an empty glass.
• The best way to hold your beer is in a glass.