Related:

• When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women.
  I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now....
• Marge: Homer, I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your class.
  Homer: Marge, I didn't tell 'em personal stuff. Marge...
• Are you a parent? Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to say in those awkward situations?
  Worry no more... Do as I say, not as I do. Do me a favour and don't tell me about it....
• Lenny: See, all along I've been telling Carl I'm married to a beauty queen.
  Now, he's coming over for dinner. Marge: Oh, Lenny, I'm sure he'll like your wife no matter what she looks like....
• Burns: Smithers, do you realize if I had died, there would be no one to carry on my legacy.
  Due to my hectic schedule and lethargic sperm, I never fathered an heir....
• Homer: [standing on one foot and singing "The Alphabet Song"] W, X, Y, and Z.
  Now I know my ABCs, won't you come and play with me....
• Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail.
  I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade....