Related:

• If you are ever in an S&M relationship, make damn sure you are the S. -- Someone's mother to them
• One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to come up to you and show you a nice
  brand- new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken, and this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the jack of spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ear....
• The [Democrats] talked about putting people first. Well
  hey put people first unless you happen to be a spotted owl or a giant garter snake or some other endangered species and then that seems to have priority....
• You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail.
  Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them....
• You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail.
  Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them....
• In case you were wondering, that was just for Zapp." -Leela, after kissing Fry
• If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.
  -- Muhammad Ali...