Related:

• Dear Mr. President. There are too many states nowadays.
  Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot!...
• Prez: [on TV] Dean Bitterman, I hope nothing unsavory happens during my visit.
  As you know, I _am_ the President of the United States....
• Dear Advertisers, I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television.
  We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive....
• If you are as happy, my dear sir, on entering this house as I am in leaving it and returning home, you are the happiest man in this country.
  -- James Buchanan to Abraham Lincol...
• How many sopranos -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Three. One to climb up the ladder, one to kick the ladder out from under her and a third to say, "I knew that was too high for _you_ dear....
• Foreman: [in Japanese] Hello? Homer: Yes. This is Homer Simpson from America.
  Who may I say is speaking to me? Forema...
• Marge: Homey, I -- Homer: Can't talk, praying. Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me and I am thankful.
  For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is....
• Sideshow Bob: Ah, Mr. Simpson, you're forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha.
  Homer: I am not! -- "The Return of Sideshow Bob...
• Seriously, I do not think I am fit for the Presidency. -- Abraham Lincol