Related:

• Dear Mr. President: There are too many states. Please eliminate three.
  I am not a crackpot. -- Abraham "Grandpa" Simpso...
• When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin.
  For shame! To the sickos at `Modern Bride' magazine....
• Dear Advertisers, I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television.
  We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive....
• STUDENT SUCCESSES *** Many of our students have gone on to achieve great success in all fields of programming.
  One former student developed the concept of the personalized form letter....
• Monty: [dropping a ring into a champagne glass] Now
  my dear, if you look in your champagne, I think you'll find a little surprise -- [Jackie drinks it, swallows the ring, and chokes a little] Heh, uh, not to worry, I believe there's another one around here somewhere -- [reaches into boiling fondue, burns himself] [kneeling] My darling, since my kneecaps are filling with fluid as we speak....
• Whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear! -- Grampa Simpson, "The Fro
• Prez: [on TV] Dean Bitterman, I hope nothing unsavory happens during my visit.
  As you know, I _am_ the President of the United States....
• Abe: [points to old TV] There she is, the old Radiation King.
  You'd park yourself right there and watch for hours on end....
• Dear Bart, I am using the stationery Mom and Dad gave me &l
  for my birthday> to inform you that we are now brother and sister in name only....