Related:

• BONDSMAN, n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third.
  Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give....
• FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth
  he perigee of his eccentric orbit. When David said...
• WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government.
  In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to....
• SATAN, n. One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in sashcloth and axes.
  Being instated as an archangel, Satan made himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from Heaven....
• DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave- driver.
  As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet, Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him, Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him...
• AUCTIONEER, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.
  "There is no art," says Shakespeare, foolish man, "To read the mind's construction in the face....
• VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.
  Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ All that he had of wisdom and of wit....