Related:

• Rimmer: But that was a barroom brawl, that was a common pub fight, a shambolic drunken set-to.
  Lister: ...which you started. Rimmer: I just made an innocuous comment....
• Harry constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism.
  No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "Well, it could have been worse....
• At Christmastime, even Santa Claus wouldn't give you love or hope unless you met his impossible conditio
  Have you been a good boy all year?" Damn him! Damn Santa Claus--has anybody ever been a good boy all year?...
• aga n. [WPI] A cuspy but bogus raving story about N random broken people.
  Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told by Guy L....
• The soldier came knocking upon the queen's door He said, "I am not fighting for you anymore" The queen knew she had seen his face someplace before And slowly she let him inside.
  He said, "I see you now, and you're so very young But I've seen more battles lost than I have battles won And I have this intuition that it's all for your fun And now will you tell me why?...
• A little woman fell in love with a man 90 years old--until she made a date with him.
  She goes out with him that night, and a friend says the next morning, "How did you like him?...
• Did you hear about the Newfie that Picked his nose apart so he could see how it ran.
• Much to his Mum and Dad's dismay, Horace ate himself one day.
  He didn't stop to say his grace, he just sat down and ate his face....
• Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
  But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. -- Steve Bluestei...