Related:

• Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Did you ever hear someone say this: "It was more fun than a barrel of monkeys"?
  Did you ever smell a barrel of monkeys? -- Steve Bluestei...
• You don't go out and kick a mad dog. If you have a mad dog with rabies, you take a gun and shoot him.
  -- Pat Robertson, TV Evangelist, about Muammar Kadhafy...
• Marge: I'm sorry: Homer doesn't mean to be rude, he's just a very complicated man.
  [Homer appears at the bedroom window, breaks a plate over his head] Home...
• If you want to know what a man is really like, take notice how he acts when he looses money.
  -- New England proverb...
• Marge: Homer [knocks again] Homer, why aren't you at work?
  Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today....
• Something better... 1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
  2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow....
• A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.
  He's only been there a few weeks when he gets a call from his girlfriend...
• Two Finns and a penguin are sitting on the front porch of a large house.
  The penguin is dripping in sweat; his owner looks down and says to the other Finn, "Hey Urho, I want that you should take the penguin to the zoo, okay?...