Related:

• A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. -- W. C. Fields (1880-1946)
• Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink. -- W. C. Field
• I have a friend who just got back from the Soviet Union, and told me the people there are hungry for information about the West.
  He was asked about many things, but I will give you two examples that are very revealing about life in the Soviet Union....
• Please inform Starfleet: I have engaged the Borg. Wedding Friday.
• I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
  Marriage is a two-way proposition, but never let the woman know she is one of the ways....
• Fred noticed his roommate had a black eye upon returning from a dance.
  "What happened?" "I was struck by the beauty of the place....
• I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. -- W. C. Field
• Yeah, there are more important things in life than money, but they won't go out with you if you don't have any.