Related:

• Last year I entered the LA marathon. I finished last.
  It was embarrassing. And the guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me....
• Mr. Salter's side of the conversation was limited to expressions of assent.
  When Lord Copper was right he said "Definitely, Lord Coppe...
• A strange enigma is man!" "Someone calls him a soul concealed in an animal," I suggested.
  "Winwood Reade is good upon the subject," said Holmes....
• A fella's talking to his priest. He said, "I gave up sex for Lent .
  .. Well, I tried to, but the last day of Lent my wife dropped a can of peaches and when she bent over to pick 'em up, I couldn't help it....
• aga n. [WPI] A cuspy but bogus raving story about N random broken people.
  Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told by Guy L....
• You are old," said the youth, "and I'm told by my peers That your lectures bore people to death.
  Yet you talk at one hundred conventions per year -- Don't you think that you should save your breath?...
• Yes, let's consider," said Bruno, putting his thumb into his mouth again, and sitting down upon a dead mouse.
  "What do you keep that mouse for?" I said. "You should either bury it or else throw it into the brook....
• The best advice I ever received was back in 1958 when I was playing the piano in a bar on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.
  C. A congressman came up to me and said, "Kid, stop singing `Stardust' and start singing about Congress....
• My son is 38 and he's still trying to "find himself.
  I told him when he does it won't be such a big discovery....