Related:

• On the old "You Bet Your Life" program, Groucho Marx was getting to know one of his contestants.
  The man told Groucho that he had 10 children. "Why so many children?...
• T-A+G-L-I+N-E--+M-E-A+S-U-R+I-N-G+--G-A+U-G-E
• I was sitting with a little girl of eight one afternoon.
  She looked up from her Hans Andersen and said, "Does m-i-r-a-g-e spell marriage, Mr....
• Those are my principles, and if you don't like them.
  .. well, I have others. -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)...
• Skinner: Mother doesn't approve of me dating so I need you to keep her busy for a few hours while Edna and I sneak out.
  [sneaks out] Bart: Oh, I can't take much more of this....
• As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
  -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)...
• I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints.
  They're upstairs in my socks. -- Groucho Marx...
• In the Plaza Hotel once, when I was doing the quiz show, there was a priest in the elevator.
  I hope you're not offended by this--I'd tell a story about a rabbi but it doesn't fit, and neither did the rabbi and they finally threw him out of the synagogue....