Related:

• You can't get snot off of a suede jacket. Lenny Bruce
• Now, what did I do with that flak jacket?
• In high school in Brooklyn I was the baseball manage
  proud as I could be I chased baseballs, gathered thrown bats handed out the towels Eventually, I bought my own It was very important work but it was dark blue while for a small spastic kid, the official ones were green but I was a team member Nobody ever said anything When the team got to me about my blue jacke...
• Skinner: So: we meet again, Mad Magazine. Bart: How do you know it's from Mad?
  Skinner: [walking to his window] The year was 1968....
• I remember Massingbird's most famous case - the Case of the Bloody Knife.
  A man was found next to the murdered body. He had the knife in his hand, thirteen witnesses had seen him stab the victim, and when the police arrived, he said, "I'm glad I killed the bastard"....
• I was in the store the other day and a salesperson came up to me and said, "Can I help you?
  I said, "Yea, give me what I need." She said, "I don't know what you need" I said, "You started it....
• Joey: All right. [gets up] Monica: [stopping him] No!
  Joey, we swore we'd never tell! Chandler: [running over and joining Monica] They'll never understand!...
• Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.
  He hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is!...
• I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call.
  One day I dropped the box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing....