Related:

• Three fellas up in heaven. St. Peter's interviewing them.
  He says to the first guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• A hillbilly boy married a hillbilly girl and went on a honeymoon.
  They were supposed to stay two weeks, but they didn't stay two weeks, they stayed one night....
• This morning I caught my wife in a lie ... I'm sitting there in the kitchen, having some coffee, biscuits, some jelly.
  About eleven-thirty my old lady came in, and her wig was amuss....
• Skinner: Lucky for you this is just a warning gator.
  Next one won't be corked. [points to the corks blunting the alligator's teeth] Wiggum...
• Kent: ... through downtown Springfield today gutting Symphony Hall, the Springfield Museum of Natural History, the Springfield Arts Center, and Barney's Bowl-o-rama.
  Homer: Waugh! [chokes] Oh no! [walks into kitchen] Marge!...
• Most folks they like the daytime, 'cause they like to see the shining sun.
  They're up in the morning, off and a-running till they're too tired for having fun....
• Burns: [off camera] Smithers! I want my tea! Marge
  Doesn't it bother you that he orders you around like that?...
• All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
  The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store....