Related:

• If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Johnny Carso
• The best things in life are free. And the cheesiest things in life are free with a paid subscription to Sports Illustrated.
  -- Johnny Carso...
• If you laid all the Elvis impersonators in the world, end to end.
  .. you'd wanna run and get a steam roller, real fast. -- David Letterma...
• Why would Elvis be hanging around trailer parks?
• Funnier than Johnny Carson, but then again, who isn't?
• When turkeys mate, they think of swans. -- Johnny Carso
• If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking "Do you want fries with that?
  John Cleese...
• What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? -- Irv Kupcine
• Irv Kupcinet: "What can you say about a society that says God is dead and Elvis is alive?