Related:

• Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa!
  Whoa!" and flail your arms around, like you're going to fall in. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• HERE'S A GOOD JOKE to do during an earthquake. Straddle a big crack in the earth and if it opens wider, go, "Whoa!
  Whoa!" and flap your arms around as if you're going to fall....
• Homer opens the door resolutely, then unplugs the TV] [the kids, watching it, open their mouths] Home
  [quickly] Kids! Here's $50, why not go to the movies, then take a cab to your aunts' house?...
• Homer: All right, how much do you charge? Zweig: If money's a problem, I charge on a sliding scale.
  I can go as low as $30 an hour. Homer: Keep sliding....
• George: [typing] And since I'd achieved all my goals as President in one term, there was no need for a second.
  The end. Hmm, good memoirs. Good, not great....
• Grampa: [fumbling with the joystick] What do I do? Ba
  Grampa, do you want to go to the right? Grampa: Yes?...
• Bart: Milhouse...do you ever worry that your mom might stop loving you?
  Milhouse: What? I'm more worried about pirhanas. Did you see that movie where they send a nuclear submarine to fight the pirhanas, and one of them swims right down the periscope and bites the guy in the eye, and he goes, "Aah!...
• Bart: Okay, we all know why we're here, right? Milhouse
  No, why? Bart: To fight Nelson, the bully. That guy has been tormenting all of us for years, and I for one am sick of it!...
• Plumber: Well, to be honest, I never got around to ordering that part for you, so, uh, it's still going to be a couple of weeks.
  Homer: [sly] Oh, really? Plumber: Yes... Home...