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• If you were my husband, I would feed you poison. If you were my wife, madam, I would take it!
  -- Lady Astor and William Churchill...
• Lady Nancy Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee.
  Winston Churchill: "Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it....
• After a heated argument on some trivial matter Nancy [Astor] .
  . . shouted, "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!...
• Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!" Winston Churchill
  Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober....
• My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.
  -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)...
• LA: Winston your quite drunk! WC: Madame your quite ugly.
  In the morning I will be sober where as you will still be ugly! -- Sir Winston and Lady Asto...
• Were 't the last drop in the well, As I gasp'd upon the brink, Ere my fainting spirit fell 'T is to thee that I would drink.
  -- Lord Byron (1788-1824) -- To Thomas Moore...
• Alcohol is good for you. My grandfather proved it irrevocably.
  He drank two quarts of booze every mature day of his life and lived to the age of 103....
• A woman was married to a golfer. One day she asked, "If I were to die, would you remarry?
  After some thought, the man replied, "Yes, I've been very happy in this marriage and I would want to be this happy again....