Related:

• Braddock:] Mr Churchill, you are drunk. [Churchill
  ] And you madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober tomorrow....
• Woman on Street: Sir, you are drunk; very, very drunk.
  Winston Churchill: Madame, you are ugly; very, very ugly. I shall be sober in the morning....
• LA: Winston your quite drunk! WC: Madame your quite ugly.
  In the morning I will be sober where as you will still be ugly! -- Sir Winston and Lady Asto...
• Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
  --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it....
• Lady Nancy Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee.
  Winston Churchill: "Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it....
• If you were my husband, I would feed you poison. If you were my wife, madam, I would take it!
  -- Lady Astor and William Churchill...
• Mr Churchill, you are drunk! Yea, and you're ugly. Yes, but I can have selective cosmetic and plastic surgery and I will be beautiful, whereas you will still have the disease of alcholism.
• I disapprove of the F-word, not because it's dirty, but because we use it as a substitute for thoughtful insults, and it frequently leads to violence.
  What we ought to do, when we anger each other, say, in traffic, is exchange phone numbers, so that later on, when we've had time to think of witty and learned insults or look them up in the library, we could call each other up...