Related:

• Hug your kids at home and belt 'em in the car.
• You may be redneck... if you drink from Mason jars at home.
• SCUD Lite Beer-you have to drink 15 before they hit you.
• At least once in your life, you'll miss a belt loop at the back, and no one will tell you about it.
• Abe: And for the minimal outlay of one dollar, you can take home a bottle of liquid Lothario, distilled Don Juan, catalytically- carbonated Cassanova.
  Lock old Rover in the shed, 'cause man has a new best friend in Simpson & Son's revitalizing tonic....
• Before he went off to the wars, King Arthur locked his lovely wife, Guinevere, into her chastity belt.
  Then he summoned his loyal friend and subject Sir Lancelot....
• You know you should be swimming when . . . At home, you close all the drapes, take off your clothes and don a pair of swim fins.
• Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant.
  I said, "I'll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex....