Related:

• Homer: Sir! Uh, hello sir! Yes, you look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife.
  So -- [man slugs him in the face] Ow!...
• Homer: Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement?
  Maybe I could have been something more than I am....
• Homer: Dad! Abe: Son! Homer: I'm a screw-up. I burned down our house.
  Abe: No, I'm a screw-up. _I_ burned down our house....
• Abe: Welcome home, Son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail.
  [Marge walks away] What's wrong with your wife?...
• Abe: Why are you people avoiding me? Does my withered face remind you of the grim specter of Death?
  Homer: [pause] Yes, but there's more. [sits down on the couch] Dad, I love you, but -- [angry] you're a weird, sore-headed old crank and nobody likes you!...
• he doorbell rings] Bart: [gasps] Quick, Grandma, hide!
  [Marge closes the curtains] [someone pounds on the door, then manages to open it] Abe...
• Abe: [points to old TV] There she is, the old Radiation King.
  You'd park yourself right there and watch for hours on end....
• Abe: And just feast your ears on this tantalizing testimonial from my own flesh and blood, the son that puts the fun in Simpson & Son, my son, Barney!
  Barney: [walks out from behind a curtain] I used to be a fat, disgusting slob....
• Homer: You're home safe. Done my duty. See you the next time we need your signature.
  Abe: Aw, you never want to spend any time with me....