Related:

• I(ve) B(een) M(islead)
• My only books Were woman's looks,-- And folly 's all they 've taught me.
  -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852) -- The Time I 've lost in wooing...
• One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl.
  ..I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?...
• When I 'm not thank'd at all, I 'm thank'd enough; I 've done my duty, and I 've done no more.
  -- Henry Fielding (1707-1754) -- Tom Thumb the Great, Act i, Sc. 3...
• Moe: So, come on: I need a name that says friendly, all-American cooking.
  Homer: How about, "Chairman Moe's Magic Wok"? Barney...
• Guru Saj: You must be Ross. Ross: Hi. Guru Saj: I am Guru Saj.
  (takes the drawer back and replaces) Ross: Listen, I got to tell you I_ve-I_ve never been to a guru before, so....
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• I want to share something with you -- the three little sentences that will get you through life.
  Number one, `Cover for me.' Number two, `Oh, good idea, boss....
• We have fun--that's what I like about bowling. You can have fun even if you stink, unlike in, say, tennis.
  Every decade or so, I attempt to play tennis, and it always consists of thirty-seven seconds of actually hitting the ball and two hours of yelling, "Where did the ball go?...