Homer: Hey, everybody! I've got a big surprise for you!
Presenting...my mother!
[everyone drops their food and talks incredulously]
Grandma: [awkward] Hello.
Lisa: This is so weird. It's like something out of Dickens...or
"Melrose Place".
Bart: Where have you been, Granny? Did they freeze you or something?
Grandma: Oh, my, such clever grandchildren. So full of questions and
bright, shiny eyes.
Marge: I don't know what to say: I finally have a mother-in-law.
[laughs nervously] No more living vicariously through my
girlfriends. [laughs more, then coughs]
Bart: Hey, since you were a no-show at all the big moments of my
life, you owe me years of back presents: Christmases,
birthdays, Easters, Kwanzas, good report cards --
[grabbing a calculator] Hmm, 75 bucks a pop plus interest and
penalties...you owe me $22,000
Homer: I'll Kwanza you! [strangles Bart]
Grandma: Homer, don't be so hard on little -- [whispering] what is his
name?
-- "Mother Simpson"
