Related:

• Brodka: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson? This is detective Don Brodka from Try-N-Save security.
  That's right, Don Brodka. Your son Bart has been caught shoplifting....
• Lisa: Hey, I thought Krusty was Jewish. Bart: Christmas is a time when people of _all_ religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
  [on TV, a commercial for a really violent video game plays] [a Liu Kang-like character fights against a tank, and dies] Kid...
• Have you ever started a chain reaction by dropping your bike onto a line of parked bikes?
  ' (+3) Did you receive applause for this?' (+1)...
• Marge: A tattoo? Homer: A what? Bart: Yeah, they're cool, and they last for the rest of your lives.
  Marge: You will <not> be getting a tattoo for Christmas....
• Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
• Milstead's Christmas Card Rule: After you've mailed your last card, you will receive a card from someone you overlooked.
• Homer: Lesse, I'll have four tax burgers, one IRS-wich, withhold the lettuce, four dependent-sized sodas, and a FICA-ccino.
  Kid: Fill out schedule B. You should receive your burgers in six to eight weeks....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• You will receive money for nothing, and your chicks for free.