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• Burns: Well, I'm off to get paintings; as they say, time is "Monets".
  As you were, Sergeant. [laughs] [pushes the wrong button on his crane, and ends up through another wall] Bu...
• Abe: Sorry to crowd you boy, but I'll let you in on a secret.
  Burns is after me 'cause he wants the Hellfish bonanza....
• Abe: And then, a knife flew at my head. And [points to Homer] you were there, and [points to Homer] &l
  you> were there... Lisa: Uh, Grampa, maybe I should moisten your washcloth....
• Back then, I was known as Sgt. Simpson, and I commanded the Flying Hellfish, the fightingest squad in the fightingest company in the third-fightingest battalion in the army.
  -- Abe starts his story, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish...
• Abe: Boy, you borrow us some diving equipment while I borrow this boat.
  [starts sawing the anchor] Ned...
• Abe: So, we sealed up the paintings knowing only one of us would ever look upon them again.
  Ox was the first to go; he got a hernia carrying the crate out of the castle....
• I got this in the second World War II...
  -- Abe shows off his Hellfish tattoo, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish...
• Bart: Hey, Grampa, do you think that dead bodies get up and walk around at night?
  Abe: If they're anything like me, they have to get up twice....
• Abe: [spits] Bart: Grampa! I don't mind when you spit at home, but I have to work with these people.
  Abe: Oh, jabberjack. Schoolhouse don't put up spittoons, I ain't responsible....