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• Without it, I could, uh... go even blinder! ... Right?
  -- Mr. Mitchell, after the cops find his marijuana, "The Canine Mutiny...
• Mr. Mitchell: Hi there. How can I help you? Bart: _You're_ the guy who owns the dog?
  Mr. Mitchell: Yep. His name is Sprinkles. Bart: Sprinkles?...
• Homer: Hello, Police? Are you sitting down? Good!
  I wish to report a robbery. Wiggum: [bored] A robbery, right....
• Wiggum: All right, Mr. B. When the kidnappers call with the ransom demand, you tell them you'll leave the money under the big net in the park.
  Lou: And then down comes the net, right, Chief?...
• Again, the truth is funnier than fiction In Phila 11/7/88
  The police raided a drug house, seizing coke and crack and the 5 drug dealers in the house....
• Bart answers the door]} Man: {Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
  } Bart: {That's me!} Man: {[punches Bart in the face] Don't write no more letters to Mr....
• Kent: We now take you to the [lottery] drawing, live.
  I hope you've got <your> tickets. I've got mine....
• doorbell rings] Marge: Oh, that's the babysitter. No one in town will sit for you two any more.
  I had to choose between a grad student at the university and a scary-looking hobo....
• Homer answers the door] Man: [on pennyfarthing bicycle] So, er, you don't like the old-time bikes, huh?
  [kicks Homer in the face, rides off] [doorbell rings agai...