Related:

• We have no witnesses, no suspects, no leads. If anyone has any information, please dial `O' and ask for the police.
  That number again: `O'. -- Chief Wiggum's press conference, "The Telltale Head...
• Umpire: Play ball! Chief Wiggum: [steps to the plate] Police radio
  Attention all units! Attention all units! Armored car being robbed at 59th and....
• Sideshow Bob: Bart, I must know. How did you untangle my web?
  Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Bart, pull us in! Bart: Well, I'd hate to tell the number one cop in town how to do his job....
• Brooks: [Yiddish voice] What's with the sir -- [normal voice] What's with the siren?
  Wiggum: Evening, Simpson. You got a short and your taillight started blinking when you made that turn....
• Homer: [yelling to be heard] You really did it this time, Bart!
  You're in for the punishment of a lifetime!...
• Bart: Chief Wiggum, think you have room in your jail for a two-time loser?
  Wiggum: Well, no, frankly. But that never stopped us before....
• Umpire: Okay, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until you chug a beer.
  Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings....
• Lou: Uh, Chief, what about those coleslaw punks? Wiggum
  Well, I... I can't be everywhere at once, Lou, now can I?...
• Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen -- please.
  We have a major break in the case. We recovered the burglar's hankerchief from one of the crime scenes....