Related:

• Homer: Fine. I can have a great time all by myself.
  Lisa: Hey Dad, I think state and federal laws require us to have a babysitter....
• Lisa: [reading the classifieds] Hey, here's a good job, Dad!
  Oh, wait, you have to know how to operate an ultrasonic lithotriptor....
• Homer: [wobbly] Here you go, honey. [drops a can of Duff into a bag] That's about all the recycling *hic* I can handle today.
  Lisa: Dad, if you just drink one more I'll have a full bag....
• Bart: Hey, Homer, how come Mom's going to the doctor?
  Lisa: Is anything wrong? Homer: No, everything's fine....
• Homer: All right, how much do you charge? Zweig: If money's a problem, I charge on a sliding scale.
  I can go as low as $30 an hour. Homer: Keep sliding....
• Bart: So whoever it is who wrote that note wants to meet us here tonight?
  Lisa: This is so cool, Bart. We're just like Woodward and Bernstein....
• I was reading the Christian Science Monitor. The news in that paper is just as terrible as it is in the other papers, only you think it's better.
  -- Goodman Ace...
• Barney: So next time somebody tells you carney folk are good, honest people, you can spit in their faces for me!
  Lisa: I will, Mr. Gumbel, but if you'll excuse me, I'm profiling my dad for the school paper....
• Lisa: Dad? Homer: Yes, honey? Lisa: Um...Mom just baked a cake.
  Homer: Ooh! [walks into kitchen] Huh? Marge: Homer, we need to have a serious talk....