Related:

• Selma: Mr. Burns has been shot. Wiggum: Just a minute!
  This isn't Mr. Burns at all! It's a mask! [pulls at his face a little] Wait, it _is_ Burns....
• Wiggum: License please? [Troy hands his license] Says here you need corrective lenses.
  Put those glasses on, Mister. Troy: You wouldn't ask a handsome man like me to wear glasses?...
• Skinner: He's gradually getting away, Chief. Wiggum
  Ah, let him go. I have the feeling we'll meet again, each and every week....
• Eddie: Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney!
  Wiggum: [gets out of the car] I am proceeding on foot....
• Homer: The old make-out place. Hey, a new weather station!
  I'll bash it good! [sighs] Oh, it's just no fun without Marge....
• Wiggum: Beautiful. Eddie, did you trace the phone number?
  Eddie: Sure did, Chief. Wiggum: [reading paper] 5-5-5....
• Eddie: She's locked in the car and refuses to move.
  Wiggum: Did you flash your lights? Eddie: Yes. Wiggum...
• Bart: Wow! Can I see your club? Cop: It's called a baton, son.
  Bart: Oh. What's it for? Cop: We club people with it....
• He's alive but unconscious, just like Gerald Ford.