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• I saw some awful things in Nam, but you really have to wonder at the mentality that would desecrate a helpless puma!
  -- Principal Skinner, "Separate Vocatio...
• The school is a police state. Students are afraid to sneeze.
  And I have you to thank....
• Bart: Seymour, I'll bet you a steak dinner those books are still here.
  All we have to do is search every locker. Skinne...
• Skinner: Um, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened.
  Some sick, twisted individual has stolen every teacher's edition in this school....
• Quimby: People, people: let's be a little more realistic.
  Skinner: Now, I, uh, hesitate to bring this up, but a number of cities have rejuvenated their economies with, er, legalized gambling....
• Skinner: Bart Simpson on the side of law and order?
  Has the world gone topsy-turvey? Bart: That's right, man....
• Bart: Seymour, this is an absence slip signed by Nelson's mother.
  And this is Nelson's English homework. Notice the identical elongated loops on the `d's....
• Teacher: This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again!
  Skinner: Oh, things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr....
• I will not bribe Principal Skinne