Related:

• Bandleader: Welcome to T. G. I. McScratchy's where it's constantly New Year's Eve.
  Here we go again! Three, two, one! Everyone: Happy new year!...
• Kent: Tonight, on "Eye on Springfield": just miles from your doorstep, hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill.
  The government calls it the "army", but a more alarmist name would be -- "The Killbot Factory....
• Kent: Tonight, on Eyewitness News: a man who's been in a coma for 23 years wakes up.
  Man: Do Sonny and Cher still have that _stupid_ show?...
• Kent: We'll watch Springfield's oldest man meet Springfield's fattest man.
  [caption reads, "Opposites attract?"] Homer: He's not so fat....
• Tonight, we salute the silver anniversary of the Great Springfield Tire Yard Fire.
  Twenty-five years, and still burning strong!...
• Is it a masterpiece or just some guy with his pants down?
  That's our topic tonight on Smartline......
• We got beets! -- Lisa, "Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie
• Marge: I need to purchase a brassiere. You kids wait over here in the credit department.
  Bart: Oh, can't we just wander around and meet you back here later?...
• Homer: Someday you'll thank me for this, son. Ba
  Not bloody likely. -- "Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie...