Related:

• Kent: Tonight on "Eye on Springfield", we meet a man who's been hiccupping for 45 years!
  Man: [hic!] Kill me! [hic] Kill me! -- "Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie...
• phone rings] Kent: Well it looks like we have our first caller.
  ..and I mean ever, because this is not a call-in show....
• Bart: I'm telling you, I _do_ work on the Krusty show.
  Look at the credits! [presses "play"] Krusty...
• Kent: We'll watch Springfield's oldest man meet Springfield's fattest man.
  [caption reads, "Opposites attract?"] Homer: He's not so fat....
• Shutton: Uh, Dave Shutton, Springfield Daily Shopper.
  Who are you? Where are you going? Ke...
• The man who wakes up and finds himself famous hasn't been asleep.
• There are two jazz musicians who are great buddies.
  They hang out and play together for years, virtually inseparable....
• Scott: And now over to Kent Brockman for some grim economic news.
  Kent: Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office....
• Homer: The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice... like Urkel!
  And he appears every Friday night... like Urkel!...