What's red, green, blue, yellow, purple, and orange?
An Italian dressed up.
Have you heard about the Italian girl who flunked her driver's license test?
When the car stalled, from force of habit she jumped into the back seat.
What do you call an Italian who marries a black?
A social climber.
Why don't Italians have freckles?
Because they slide off.
Why do Italians wear hats?
So they know which end to wipe.
What do you call an Italian with an IQ of 180?
Sicily.
How does the Italian Admiral view his fleet?
With a glass-bottom boat.
How did the Americans sink the Italian subs during WWII?
They put them in the water.
Did you hear about the Italian who:
- Spent for days in Sears looking for wheels for a miscarriage?
- Took his expectant wife to the grocery store because they had free delivery?
- Took a roll of toilet paper to a crap game?
- Lost his girlfriend because he couldn't remember where he had laid her?
- Wouldn't go out with his wife because she was a married woman?
- Bought his wife a washer and dryer for Christmas-a douche bag and a towel?
- Moved his house two feet back to tighten the clothesline?
How can you tell italian women are embarrassed by their long black hair?
Because they wear long black gloves to cover it up.
How can you tell an Italian with kidney trouble?
He's the one with the rusty zipper and yellow tennis shoes.
Why are garbage cans painted international orange?
So little Italian children will think they're eating at Howard
Johnson's.
What is a chain-saw?
An Italian vibrator.
How many people does it take to bury an Italian?
Two. There're only two handles on a garbage can.
Why don't Italians eat fleas?
Because they can't get their little legs apart.
Did you hear about the Italian who cleaned his ears out and
his head caved in?
Did you hear about the Italian who picked his nose apart
to see what made it run?
How do you get an Italian out of a bath tub?
Turn on the water.
What's the definition of a cad?
An Italian who doesn't tell his wife he's sterile
until after she's pregnant.
Did you hear about the Italian girl who thought a
sanitary belt was a drink from a clean shot glass?
How do you brainwash an Italian?
Give him an enema.
Why wasn't Christ born in Italy?
Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Did you hear about the Italian who was asked to be a Jehovah's Witness?
He refused because he didn't see the accident.
Did you hear about the flamingos in Florida with little
pink cement Italians on their lawns?
Why did the Italians lose the war?
Because they ordered ziti instead of shells.
What do you call an Italian submarine captain?
Chicken-of-the-sea.
What's the difference between an Italian woman and a catfish?
One has whiskers and stinks. The other is a fish.
See there is a new WOP doll out on the market.
Pull it's string and it SMELLS.
Why don't Italians eat fleas?
They can't get their legs apart.
