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• Cheer Up... Here's Your Horrorscope AQUARIUS: January 20 - February 18 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
  You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, which causes you to make the same mistake over and over again....
• The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
  Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals....
• TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistent.
  You have a dogged determination and work like hell....
• PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI.
  You have minor influence over your associates and people resent your flaunting of your power....
• GEMINI (May 21 - June 20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
  People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little....
• SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.
  You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics....
• CANCER (June 21 - July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems.
  They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off....
• Tell someone you can pin a glass of water to the wall -- a real glass, not a paper cup, using an ordinary straight pin.
  Naturally they won't believe, so you set out to prove it....
• Never give advice to people - they won't take it and will then blame you because it didn't work!