1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU!
Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the
sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans
bedtime.
2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put
your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if
you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans
frantically search the house for the damage they think you have
caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely
nothing wrong.)
3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly.
Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare
blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're
talking about.
4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee',
sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the
spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the
earth.
5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the
busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make
sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your
humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every
time a strange human walks by.
7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when
playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in
a while.
8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet
them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think
something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one
of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time.
Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off
and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as
you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back
asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
