Mind Games Dogs Play With Humans
** After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead,
run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is
especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.
** Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears
back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done
something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house
for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you
have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
** Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the
humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the
humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
** Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee,' sniff
around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to
go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
** Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest,
most visible spot to go 'poo.' Take your time and make sure everyone
watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring
a plastic bag.
** When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a
strange human walks by.
** Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch
with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
** Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at
the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible
has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is
panic-stricken and close to tears).
** When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as
slowly as possible back to the door.
** Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make
the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back
inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going
outside, this will drive them nuts!)
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
