15> Hero rips open heroine's bodice and gasps, "Bosoms are like a
box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get."
14> Book after book, the same plot: Boy kills father, boy marries
mother, boy pokes his eyes out.
13> The author is 6' 3", weighs 220, has more body hair than Robin
Williams, lives in Tulsa and *insists* his real name is Barbara
Cartland. You do the math.
12> Promo on the cover: "Noted law enforcement agent, Richard
Jewell, debuts with this story of lasting passion set in his
beloved hometown of Atlanta during the Civil War."
11> Author's name, Tralachan LeGraipazir, is merely a scrambled
version of "Charlatan Plagiarizer."
10> Contains the recurring line: "Yes I would like to wham and bam;
Sam I am and thank you, Ma'am!"
9> Something familiar about a boy and girl from feuding families
in Verona, Italy.
8> One big open quote mark on the first page and one big closed
quote on the last page.
7> "He slowly turned, and in his most seductive voice asked, 'You
talkin' to me? Are YOU talkin' to ME?!'"
6> Instead of "slaking his passion with Gabriella's lush lips,"
the hero "gyres and gimbles in Gabriella's wabe."
5> Chapter in which a scantily-clad Desiree clings to the sinewy
Roberto and recites a list of ways he can tell if he might be
a redneck.
4> The author? Danielle Steal.
3> Hero's frequent calls of "Adrian!!" seem to ring a bell.
2> Published by Kinko's.
and the Number 1 Sign a Romance Novel has been Plagiarized...
1> Heartbreaking passage where all four female leads are dumped
-- as Jack slips out the back, Stan makes a new plan, Roy
becomes inexplicably coy and Gus heads for the bus depot.
This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com
