Ways to Commemorate the 20th Anniversary of Elvis Presley's Death
15> Have the King exhumed, breaded, deep-fried & reburied.
14> For crying out loud, he's NOT DEAD! How many 7-11 sightings
does it take to CONVINCE you people?
13> Show your support for Sonny and Red by joining them down at
the Teamsters picket.
12> Eat some cake... a whole cake, in fact... and some pork.
11> Point out that the "king of rock 'n' roll" neither wrote nor
actually played guitar on most of his songs, and then wait
to get pummeled by a herd of middle-aged Southern women in
lime green stretchpants and big hair.
10> Your choice: Exhume Richard Nixon for a photo op, or do the
nasty with Ann-Margret.
9> Go to gravesite and hear whirling sound as Lisa Marie announces
her latest engagement.
8> The same way Elvis would: make it with Priscilla, then head to
Krispy Kreme.
7> Have a couple of fried peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches with
a nice barbiturate salad.
6> Call up Priscilla & order her to trowel on the mascara.
5> Go to Circuit City and shoot up a few TV's.
4> Try to relieve yourself without bursting any major arteries.
3> At quittin' time, toss your scarf to receptionist.
2> Two words: lard shots.
and the Number 1 Way to Commemorate the
20th Anniversary of Elvis Presley's Death...
1> Steal the artistic heritage of an oppressed minority, twist
it into a grotesque perversion, make millions exploiting your
less-than-genius fans, then die on the toilet before your
daughter can marry a bizarre freak of pop culture.
This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com
