How to make us Women happy...
What do you think ladies? Is this about right?
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do
something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are
subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects--
Sorry, that's the way the game is played. You've probably been playing and
losing at this game for some time, without any understanding why. Now that
you have the scorecard, you may fare better.
Simple Duties
-------------
You make sure there's plenty of gas in the
car...........................................................+1
You make sure there are barely enough fumes in the car to make it to the
nearest gas station......-1
You take out the recyclables and stack them neatly by the
curb........................................+1
You take out the recyclables at 4:30 am, just as the truck pulls
away..................................-1
You load the dishwasher whenever you dirty a
dish....................................................+1
You leave dishes in the
sink........................................................................
.........-1
You leave them under the
bed.........................................................................
......-5
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with
wings...............................+5
But return with
beer........................................................................
..................-5
You leave the toilet seat
up..........................................................................
........-1
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's
empty..........................................................0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to
Kleenex..............................................-1
When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowly to the next
bathroom.................................-2
You make the
bed.........................................................................
...................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
pillows..............................................0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled
sheets............................................................-1
You check out a suspicious noise at
night..................................................................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's
nothing.........................................................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's
something....................................................+5
You pummel it with a six
iron........................................................................
......+10
It's her
father......................................................................
............................-10
Social Engagements
------------------
You stay by her side the entire
party.......................................................................
0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking
buddy.................-2
Named
Tiffany.....................................................................
..........................-4
Tiffany is a
dancer......................................................................
.....................-6
Tiffany has
implants....................................................................
.....................-8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her
lovingly................................+1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain," and pat her on
the rump............-5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think
she is attractive,
you say,"Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as
you"..................................................+1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you
say,
"Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousy in
bed".............................................................-6
That woman is her
sister......................................................................
..............-90
You have one drink, and that's
it..........................................................................
..0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a
poodle........................................-2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being
fingerprinted......................................-18
Saturday Afternoon
------------------
You go to the mall
together....................................................................
..............+3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the
car.....................................+4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports
bar............................-2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like
it........................................+3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a
sectional......................................0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in
bulk.................................................+3
Most of it chips and beer...............................-6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the
den...........................................+15
Or refinishing the floors..............................+16
Or rewiring the basement...............................+17
Or adding a second floor...............................+18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom
wastebasket........................................-6
And you're tickled pink about it.......................-15
You visit her parents...................................+1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation....+3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the
television.........................................-3
And the television is off...............................-6
You spend the afternoon watching football in your
underwear..........................................-6
And you didn't even go to that college.................-10
And it's not your underwear............................-15
Her Birthday
------------
You take her out to dinner...............................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..........................-3
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar
player......................................+3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and
sing.........................+4
And you stink...........................................+2
And you're not half bad.................................+5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much
applause......................-2
You give her a gift......................................0
You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance........-10
You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance.....+1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate.............+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for
months........................................+30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that
day.....................................-10
With her credit card...................................-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big...........-40
Thoughtfulness
--------------
You forget her birthday completely.....................-10
You forget your anniversary............................-20
You forget to pick her up at the bus station...........-25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey.........................-35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast............-50
A Night Out With The Boys
-------------------------
Go out with a pal.......................................-5
And the pal is happily married..........................-4
Or frighteningly single.................................-7
And he drives a Trans Am...............................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)..........-15
You have a few beers....................................-9
And miss curfew by an hour.............................-12
You get home at 3 am...................................-20
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars.........-30
And not wearing any pants..............................-40
Is that a tattoo???...................................-200
Her Night Out
-------------
You watch the kids while she goes out with her annoying work
friends...........+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends,and she comes home
late................+10
You wait up............................................+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to
bed......................+20
A Night At Home
---------------
You watch TV together....................................0
You rent a movie........................................+1
You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY...........+3
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout..+5
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep............-1
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool..-2
A Night Out
-----------
You take her to a movie.................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.......................+4
You take her to a movie you hate (anything with Susan
Sarandon)............+6
You take her to a movie you like........................-2
It's called DeathCop 3..................................-7
Which features cyborgs having sex.......................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans and
sheepdogs.............-15
Flowers
-------
You buy her flowers only when it's expected..............0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it..............+5
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself.............+10
And she contracts Lyme disease.........................-25
Your Physique
-------------
You develop a noticeable potbelly.......................-15
You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10
You develop a potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts........-5
Finances
--------
You spend a lot of money on something impractical.......-5
Something she can't use................................-10
Such as a motorized model airplane.....................-20
And your kid needs braces..............................-30
In fact, all four of the kids need braces.............-120
Driving
-------
You lose the directions on a trip.......................-4
You lose the direction and end up getting lost..........-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town..........-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and
personal.........-25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt.......-60
The Big Question
----------------
She asks, "Do I look fat?"..............................-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in
responding........-10
You reply, "Where?"....................................-25
Communication
-------------
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned expression...0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30
minutes.........................................+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the
TV.................................+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep......-10
Related:
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while hen leave to chat
with a college drinking buddy -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -6
Tiffany has implants -8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly +1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the old ball and chain"
and pat her on the rump -5
When she points out a hot-looking woman and asks if you think
she's pretty, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as pretty as you" +1
When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's pretty, you say,
"Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousy in bed" -6
That woman is her sister -90
You have one drink, and that's it 0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle....
