Unfortunately there are some things that children should be learning in
school, but don't. Not all of them have to do with academics. As a modest-
back-to-school offering, here are some basic rules that may not have found
their way into the standard curriculum.
Rule #1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teen-ager uses
the phrase "it's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents.
Who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation
ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, They realized Rule
#1.
Rule #2. The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as
your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel
good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-
esteem meets reality, kids complain that it's not fair. (See Rule No. 1)
Rule #3. Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school.
And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even
have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.
Rule #4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'till you get a boss.
He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up,
he is not going ask you how feel about it.
Rule #5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents
had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They
weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been
embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.
Rule #6. It's not your parents fault. If you screw up, you are
responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the
boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you
turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it or you'll sound like a baby
boomer.
Rule #7. Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are
now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and
listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before
you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents'
generation try delousing the closet in your bedroom.
Rule #8. Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers
off. Nor even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight
hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on.
Rule #9. Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your
problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials.
In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs.
Your friends will not be perky or as polite as Jennifer Aniston.
Rule #10. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them We all could
.
Rule #11. Enjoy this while you can. Sure, parents are a pain, school's a
bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it
was to be kid. Maybe you should start now.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
