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What Were They Thinking? (taken From Resumes Submitted To Various Employers) "1881-1995
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What Were They Thinking?
(taken from resumes submitted to various employers)
"1881-1995; spent my time teaching and going to school for computer science."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"I am a great team player I am."
"I am anxious to spread my wings in new directions and soar to new heights.
"I am writing to you, as I have written to all fortune 1000 companies every year
for the past three years, so solicit employment."
"I'm a lean, mean, marketing machine. "
"I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms."
"I never take anything for granite,"
"Overlooked all areas to ensure an overwhelming success."
"Received a plague for 'Salesperson of the Year'"
"Shot at the local gun club."
"Terminated after saying. 'It would be a blessing to be fired.'"
"Very experienced with out-house computers"
"Wholly responsible for two failed financial institutions."
Qualifications: "I have a current passport."
Related:
From Real Resumes & Cover Letters: ** I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
** I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms....
What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)... Chain Saw
( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off....
The Poles have a saying about how communist governments rewrite history
"Only the future is certain; the past is always changing" A would-be bandit failed because he had written a holdup up note on another bank's withdrawal slip....
Federal Aviation Agency, Washington 25, D.C. Gentleme
I was asked to make a written statement concerning certain events that occurred yesterday....
Federal Aviation Administration, Washington, D.C. Gentleme
I was asked to make a written statement concerning certain events that occurred yesterday....
THE IRS LETTER... Dear Sirs: I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1996 Federal Tax return.
Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years....
While looking for a Real Job (read: technical writing), I've been paying the bills doing medical transcription work.
I came across a book today called "The Empty Laugh Book" by the American Association for Medical Transcription, containing some of the funniest dictated and transcribed quotes from the world of medicine that I've ever encountered....
A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket.
Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide....
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals....