The Top 15 Items In The Tobacco Companies' Deal 15> Camel Cash Catalog To Include Iron Lung At 150,000 Coupon Level.

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The Top 15 Items in the Tobacco Companies' Deal

15> Camel cash catalog to include iron lung at 150,000 coupon level.

14> Sell super-cancerous $8 cigars to kill all those pretentious
cigar-smoking snots.

13> No more advertising on billboards, but the tattoo area is
wiiiiide open!!

12> Lucky Strike Psychic Friends Network will be permitted to
predict that every caller will fail miserably in their attempt
to quit smoking.

11> In final gala advertising event, Joe Camel to chew C. Everett
Koop's beard off on pay-per-view.

10> Tobacco companies agree to take Jesse Helms out of their back
pocket.

9> Only sports to be sponsored by tobacco companies: Lung Tossing
and Long Distance Phlegm Hacking.

8> All cigarette ads must carry picture of nude Ernest Borgnine
and/or Bea Arthur.

7> Sexy people doing exciting things in ads replaced by people in
Starfleet uniforms attending a Trek convention.

6> At RJ Reynolds corporate headquarters, every Tuesday is "Free
Tracheotomy Day."

5> Reduce nicotine, increase "moldy sardine" flavor.

4> Mandatory new brands: "Phlegm", "Yellow Tooth", "Loser Lights",
"Desperate Bid For Peer Approval 100s."

3> CEOs of Philip Morris and RJ Reynolds entitled to occasional
trident sharpenings and horn polishings.

2> Government agrees not to interfere with industry's upcoming
"Lung Disease is Cool" and "Bum a Smoke From Mickey" campaigns.


and the Number 1 Item in the Tobacco Companies' Deal...


1> Warning on side of packets replaced with picture of Keith
Richards.


This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com

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