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• Lower the age of puberty!
• When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
• 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate 1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat.
  Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in....
• Another one I've done more than once is to slowly increase the pitch and speed of my voice while recording the message to make it sound like the machine is broke
  (start, low pitch, slow) "Hhhhheeelllllloooooo thheeeerrrrrrre evvvvveerrrryyyboooodyyyy....
• Some Rules Kids Won't Learn in School Unfortunately there are some things that children should be learning in school, but don't.
  Not all of them have to do with academics. As a modest- back-to-school offering, here are some basic rules that may not have found their way into the standard curriculum....
• Now entering second childhood ...
• Kiss and a slap A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita.
  They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother....
• Women fake orgasm, Men fake foreplay.
• Little Willie had a gambling problem. He'd bet on anything.
  One day, Willie's father consulted his teacher. The teacher said....